Interview with "The Latin Lover" Arriba Harrazane
King: Welcome to the King's Kourt.
Arriba: I'm doing this for the Arribadors, not you King.
King: Very well. Let's ask the question everyone's been dying to ask. Why did you decide to betray your father, Carlos, and your mentor, Hasha?
Arriba: That's simple. Arriba was being held back. The juice has to flow baby. I was tired of hiding in the giant shadow of my father and that of the current champion. It was my time to shine.
King: But why did you attack them, and not just ask to be treated more equally?
Arriba: You've seen their egos. And I've ALWAYS lived unf=der the shadow of my grandfather and my father. Both excelent wrestlers in Mexico. That is why I decided to come to the States. To get away and make a name for myself.
King: So you decided that now was the time?
Arriba: Yes. My father is busy concentrating on kicking Flair's ass, and Hasha's concerned about Draka. So hell yeah, I used the diversions to make my move.
King: Word has it you accepted payment for what you did this past Carnage. Care to comment on those accusations?
Arriba: Let's just say the big man upstairs is pleased with Arriba, and is ready to give Arriba the push he so rightly has always deserved.
King: So you are saying that Marlow paid you off?
Arriba: I didn't say that chico, you did.
King: But you implied that he did.
Arriba: Hey man, I just told you that the big man is pleased that things are starting to go his way.
King: Sure. Anyways, what are your plans in the XIWA now that you are free from the constraints of Dojo Mundo?
Arriba: Arriba's gunning for the Intercontinental Championship. Arriba was robbed at the last PPV. I was ready to wrestle. Kimmy didn't want Arriba to get all messed up for our date later that night. Arriba was ready to fight, but she didn't want me all tired and sweaty if you know what I mean.
King: You aren't going to go straight for the World Heavyweight belt first?
Arriba: Not right away chico. The IC strap holder is one of the main contenders for the World strap. So if Arriba win that belt, Arriba get a shot at the painted face goon, Hasha.
King: And you think he isn't going to be mad as hell before then?
Arriba: He can be as pissed off as he wants to be. Doesn't change the fact that Arriba's gonna beat him into retirement!
King: And what about your father? That was quite the drop kick you flattened him out with.
Arriba: My father can do the same as all you people out there.
King: And just what is that?
Arriba: KISS MY TIGHT LATINO ASS! This interview is over!
King: I guess that's a wrap.
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The King's Komments
Raise your glass in the air folks! The King is back! After taking a week off to rest and recooperate after the Geriatric Ward's atempt to take me out of commission, I'm feeling better than ever! If you were all wondering what that loud pop at the last XIWA road show was, it was Hemroid Flair popping his hips back in after he farted! Ha ha! When's that cripple finally going to retire. Well, enough about him, let's get to some action!
Two weeks ago, at Carnage in Atlanta, Georgia, we witnessed a monster show! Here's how the King's predictions went down. Rhyno-boy pack your bags, you just became extinct! Ha ha! Hunter wrapped you up like used... Well, you get the picture. I haven't seen puppies bounce like that since Pamela Anderson stepped onto a trampoline. I love PUPPIES! I hope we'll see less of her in the weeks to come. Less clothing that is! Ha ha! The King got this one! Tazz, your ink ran out in your match. Time to get a refill. Hell Razah went to town on your ass. You can still see the lines from that chicken-wing crossface on his head! Hell Razah proved he's the real thing in that match. And also proved the King wrong in that prediction. Next up, the deflated Tri-Cycle squared up against Da Jobber Bouncer. Well, Da Bouncer sent another one to the unemployment line. Tri-Cycles last wheel popped. A lead pipe to the gut. Then being thrown through a glass plate window? Ouch. Time to take up CEO Marlow's favorite sport. Couch warming! Ha ha! A shocker came next as Triple Preparation H beat the living hell out of Heather Skeleton. Stick and stone may break your bones, but man does Chyno give one HELL of a Pedigree! Wow! The 8th wonder of the world took care of business after the match, proving once again that the skeleton's should stay in the closet. Chalk one more up for the got it wrong column! The triple threat match Marlow wanted did not go down, showing that Hasha has quite a bit of pull around the XIWA. But at what cost? That Braka-my-leg took care of business by slapping the Draka-Cutter on Arriba not once, but TWICE! Then with a little distraction from Marlow, Braka hit the Cutter on Hasha, then on Carlos. All three Danka Mucho members laid out flat! I haven't seen that before. I certainly don't want to be in Braka's shoes come the Vendetta PPV. Final match was for the IC strap. And that show didn't disappoint. Way Too Gay put the title up against the Southern Snapper, Gator Layton. Hey Y2Gay, ever have snapper like that before? Yeah? Well son, sorry to tell ya, sheep don't count! Ha ha! Start your "why me" Raven-esque speech. We all know it's coming. Welcome to the big show Layton. Now, jump up and down for the King! Ha ha! Did I mention... I LOVE PUPPIES! Chalk another one up for me. It's good to be da King!
Now, for this past Carnage. What a way to start. Once again, the Horsewomen can't leave well enough alone. I guess the Pixie's charges will be decided in court at a later date, as Double Jackass and Snotty Whiner posted bail and were out in time for their match last week. Snotty threw Hell Razah down a few floors through a vending cart. We'll keep you posted as to the extent of his injuries. That move once again gave the Latin Lover, Latin Heartthrob, Latino Heat, Ricky Martin, Menudo, Jose Iglesias, whatever he wants to call himself, an easy win in a no-show by Razah. Arriba then pulled one of the stunners of the night. Arriba drop kicked his own father! Then in what seemed to be a team, Braka helped by slapping a Draka-Cutter on Hasha. To the cheers of the crowd, Arriba climbed the ropes in what seemed to be "La Revolucion" on Hasha. Instead, Arriba leaped off and hit the move on Braka! Looks like a defector from the Danka Mucho! The Horsewomen proceded to destroy all the Degenerates to oblivion. All but Chyna, who had a match with the newest member of the Horsewomen, Heather Skeleton! What the...? Something's loose in Hemroid Flair's cogs. Well, I guess it's the perfect match. One more jobber added isn't gonna make them any less credible, or more credible for that matter! Ha ha! Chyna wins with a Pedigree. But the Horsewomen have the last laugh. They laid out all the Degenerates once again, including Chyna. Somebody stop them? Hey Marlow, when you gonna START doing your job and STOP reaping the rewards off the beating of your so-called employees? Tazz bounced Da Jobber Bouncer in a Hardcore match. Right through a table no less! Hunter versus Hasha was next up. Hasha wanted to mess around with puppies? Well, this set of puppies bit back! Ha ha! Hasha had his fun, then hit a reverse DDT. The ref was knocked out, so Arriba decided to make his move. Arriba with "La Revolucion" on Hasha! Arriba wakes up the ref, Hunter rolls over to Hasha, Hunter with the win! Wow! Arriba sticks it to his former friend, former partner and former boss! That guy is a few tacos short of a fiesta. What does he think he's doing? Hasha is going to be on a rampage come Vendetta. That name is shaping up to be quite appropriate. Double Gay probably had another yellow streak down his pretty white trucks as Prodigy comes out of retirement. At least SOMEBODY is gonna try to take that Geriatric Ward outta commission! Not one but TWO Hangovers to the concrete floor! And Prodigy topped it off with a chokeslam through the catering table! Ha ha! As my good friend Zbyszko would say, "Roll that beautiful bean footage again!" Ha ha! It's just as good as watching it the first time! Ha ha! Finally, a Horsewoman goes to the hospital. As a patient! The Degenerates stuck it to the Horsewomen and got their revenge as they laid out Big Crappa Dump and Hemroid Flair with a sledgehammer! Finally, after all the surprizes, MAIN EVENT TIME! Ha ha! Braka-my-leg, the Stiffman and Way Too Gay locked it up for the "Hell in a Cell" three-way dance. In a nut-shell. The three chumps beat the hell out of eachother. All ended up on top of the cage. A Braka forearm sent Way Too Gay off the cage and crashed into our announcer's table! Ha ha! Then, the Cripple hits a Braka-Cutter on the Stiffman, sending him crashing through the wire mesh of the cage! Double ha ha! The Cripple drops down from the cage onto his bad leg, crawls over to the unconscious Stiffman for the pin! What a show! Another one for the record books!
With all the excitement of this past week's Carnage show, you may ask how we could top that one? How about the Vendetta PPV coming to you live from the Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit, Michigan! December 3rd will go down in the annals of wrestling history as the day the set the tone for the future of the XIWA! What a show we have planned for you! First we start it off with the first of the semi-finals Hardcore championship matches. The cartoonish Tazz locking it up with the XIWA Puppies Champion, Mandilyn "Man Hunter" Hunter. Tazz better bring some back up, because after her win against the current champ in a non-title bout, she's looking a bit unstoppable. The Man Hunter is going to need more than puppies and a Taco-Man to win this match. I say Tazz will spin circles around the Man Hunter, but in the end, count on puppies and thighs to bring that twisting cartoon character to a stop. Man Hunter with the W in this one. I LOVE PUPPIES! Da Jobber Bouncer versus the newest Horsewoman, Heather Skeleton in the other Hardcore tourney semi-final. Well, Da Jobber Bouncer just got matched up with another jobber. Start bouncing and call this one finished before it started! Ha ha! With all the Geriatric Ward injured or in the hospital, Heather has no one to help him win this match. And you think he could win it with his talent? Ha ha! That jack ass couldn't pin a corsage! Da Jobber Bouncer sends another one to the unemployment line, and that line's growing by the week! The Degenerates send in Triple Preparation H and the Ugliest, er... 8th Wonder of the World to battle Justin "Tri-Cycle" Lee and The Crock in the tag team tournament. Folks, it's another best of the worst match. Preparation H has been oozing from the mouth lately, the Wonder is just, well.. The Tri-Cycle has no more wheels and is fighting for his life. The Crock, well, his name says it all. All hype, no skill. I tossed a coin on this one. The Degenerates were heads for their swelled egos, and the other two were tails because they are asses! Ha ha! The coin landed heads, so I guess the Degenerates win this match. Coins don't lie! The Hell Riders send in the Overfaker and Rhyno-boy to TRY to wrestle crippled Horsewomen, the Stiffman and Big Crappa Dump for the tag team tournament. Well, sorry to say, a couple injured Horsewomen are better than a never-should-have-been and an endangered species. Even on 1/2 a cylinder, those two will make short work of the jobber tag-team of the Hell Riders. In singles competition, we get to see the newly revamped Arriba "The Latin Heartthrob/Taco-Man" Harrazane versus the over-hyped, no-talent Bullfrogg. If words could win a match, Bullfrogg might win. There's enough hot air between these two to put up a zeppelin! Ha ha! BUt, matches are won with talent, so the egde leans towards Taco-Man. Shake up your salsa, remember the La Bamba and Viva La Revolucion! Arriba with the new attitude will be looking to impress in this match. Word in the back is that CEO Marlow is grooming Arriba to be a champion. What the...? Sources say it was Marlow who paid off Arriba to betray his father and the current champ. Sending the Danka Mucho into a seemingly spriraling chaos. Taco-Man will sinch in "El Muerto Loco" and Bullfrogg will croak his last before tapping out faster than Gregory Heines on Broadway! Ha ha! The grudge match of the night happens when Prodi-gay and Double Gay lock up in a best 2 out of 3 match. Singles, then table, then barbed-wire cage is what lies in store for these two. After the ass whopping that Double Gay received this past Monday, I'm sure yellow will be flowing down his leg again. Prodi-gay to Double Gay is like that ingrown toe-nail. As much as you try to get rid of it, it always seems to come right back. Prodi-gay will take pleasure, much to the delight of the fans and myself, in beating the living snot out of Double Gay! Roll that video footage of Ferrett getting his ass beat again! Ha ha! I love it! Then come the finals of the Hardcore championship. If my predictions hold true, it will be the Man Hunter matched up with Da Jobber Bouncer. Well Bouncer, you have a real opponent this time. No jobbers here, but plenty of puppies! Ha ha! The Man Hunter's winnig ways I'm afraid to say will come to an end. The Bouncer has the talent to bounce more than jobbers, and this is his match to prove it. It'll be a hard fought match, but in the end, chalk one up for the Bouncer guy. Next up, the finals of the Tag Team tourney. If the King's predictions hold true for this one. It'll be the match that'll settle who has the best team, the Degenerates, or the Geriatric Ward. Triple Preparation H, Whyna, Stiffman and Big Crappa Dump. Does this sound like the makings of a REALLY bad adult film or what? Ha ha! The Degenerates and Geriatrics will lock up in a battle like no other. In the end though, the Horsewomen will have no one left for outside interference. Say hello to your new XIWA World Tag Team champions, the Degenerates! Way Too Gay locks it up once again with the Intercontinental champion, the "Gator" Elizabeth Layton. Way Too Gay will still be recovering from a nasty fall from a cage into the announcer's table, so this will be an easy chomp for the Gator. Look for a little interference from the rest of the Degenerates, but in the end, the Southern Snapper will retain the IC gold strap. And it all comes down to this. Marlow's chosen Chumpion, Braka, against the current Champion, Hasha. Egos and fists will fly in this one. It'll be from pillar to post, corner to corner and mano y mano. After reinjuring his leg, Braka will need more than he's ever given. Look for Hasha to capitalize on the Cripple's injury. After a long fought battle, and hopefully no Taco-Man, Hasha will still reign supreme as the XIWA World Heavyweight champion! CEO Marlow better be running afterwards, because Hasha will be gunning for him next. What a show, what a night, and what a PVV! One that'll go down as the best ever. If you missed it, well, you're a dork!
Stay tuned to Monday Night Carnage with myself and Michael Cole. Remember to order the PPV, Vendetta now! You won't want to miss it!
Think you got what it takes to survive a one-on-one interview with the King? You could be the featured superstar that gets to set the record straight! If you would like to be featured as the "Interview of the Week" here at the King's Kourt, send me an e-mail! The link is to the left!
This is the King, Jerry Lawler signing off. Keep watching the best wrestling organization going, XIWA! See you on the other side of the ropes!
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XIWA Power Poll
[ this week's rank ] - ( last week's rank ) - "wrestler"
[01] (01) "The Japanese Assassin" Hasha Koroshiya [World Heavyweight Champion] (3-3)
[02] (03) "The Latin Lover" Arriba Harrazane (4-1)
[03] (04) Draka (5-3)
[04] (09) Elizabeth "Gator" Layton [Intercontinental Champion] (4-0)
[05] (10) Mandilyn "Man Hunter" Hunter (4-0)
[06] (07) Prodigy (2-0)
[07] (06) "The Chosen One" Jeff Jarrett (3-2)
[08] (17) Hell Razah (2-1)
[09] (05) "Y2J" Chris Jericho (2-3)
[10] (08) L.J. "The Hitman" Randall (3-5)
[11] (11) The Midnight Rider (2-3)
[12] (XX) Chyna (1-0)
[13] (13) "Tha Gambino" Marc Styles (1-1)
[14] (14) "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner (1-1)
[15] (15) Helltah Skeltah (3-3)
[16] (20) Tha Bouncer (1-1)
[17] (18) "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair (0-0)
[18] (19) "El Conquistador" Carlos Harrazane (0-0)
[19] (21) Mike Extreme (0-0)
[20] (22) Tazz (1-1)
[21] (XX) Spellbinder (0-1)
[22] (IA) "Shotgun" Shawn Maverick (3-3)
[23] (IA) "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels (1-0)
[24] (12) Hellfire (3-5)
[25] (23) "Triple H" Hunter Hearst Helmsley (1-3)
[26] (24) Justin "D.Cycle" Lee (1-4)
[27] (25) The Undertaker (1-4)
[28] (26) Hurricane Helms (0-2)
[29] (27) "The Rock" Rocky Maivia (0-2)
[30] (28) Trish Stratus (0-1)
[31] (29) Rhyno (0-5)
[32] (XX) (0-0)
[33] (XX) (0-0)
[34] (XX) (0-0)
[35] (XX) (0-0)
* Note: Non-RPed matches count as a loss *
** Also: Power Poll rankings are based upon
W-L records and strength of opponents
and the quality of posting **
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